Thank you

I wish I could hug all of you! You all are great support and I needed it so much and still do. I'm home now, been for a few days. Just been sleeping my life away it seems. I've been readding all the blogs, sorry for not commenting but I am there reading. 2ww I still go on and lurk but it's so hard because they are all still pregnant (dont get me wrong I want them and ya'll to stay pregnant and have healthy babies) and one of the girls just had her beautiful little boy and yeah I'm jealious. *In due time I will have mine, I keep telling myself and I am forever greatdul for my two I have.... It's just really hard* Days are getting a little better, little less crying, staying awake more. Joel has giving me his story. I'll type it up tomorrow, as the pain killers and sleeping pills are kicking in. So, if this post is incoherent you know why.
We got the autopsy reports back. Elija's (baby A) said Intrauterine Sudden Death (in other words unknown) and Emmaline's (Baby C) was Maternal Infection and Trisomy 21. I had an infection in my uterus and that explains why I wouldn't stop bleeding.
Joel and I talked today about persuing surrogacy. We don't know when. I know I want to be off the anti-depressants. So, it eoepend when I am "better", I guess. I am looking at either to go with an agency or go independent like Kym. I like to be incontroll but I would like to go an agency in case problems arrise. We have agreed to use a gestational surrogate (not the biologically related to the baby) and egg donnor and not a traditional surrogate (where the carrier would be the biological mother plus by Texas laws you cannot do a traditional surrogacy unless they give birth in another state. Down fall is, gestational is more expensive along with an egg donnor and agencies also charge an arm and a leg.
Wow I cant see straight guess it's time for me to get back in bed.

Very cute and for a good cause!

One of the many blogs I follow along daily is Kyms. At times she has me laughing so hard I piss my pants and sometimes I cry. She has been down the road of infertility and has beautiful blessings of her own and has is doing an amazing job of helping others have children by becoming a gestational surrogate mother. I know, at first I was like huh how can that be possible LOL but she has done it! She is about to start another journey of helping Chance become a mom :) She has made this beautiful necklas/bracelet that she hand ingraved and not the easy way with a machine but by hand to help raise money for the surrogate journey. We all know IVF is expensive but surrogacy is A LOT more expensive. I know.. I researched when our RE brought it up. Here is a link to her Etsy Shop to buy one or like Kym said SEVEN... HEHEHE I will be getting one :)

Bad Pee Sticks

It is 9dpo 8dpIUI & 10dpTRIGGER....

I haven't blogged because I've been trying to keep myself busy by re-modeling my kitchen and it worked... until last night. I took a pregnancy test and nothing. It was negative.I left it on the counter and finally 5 hours later I threw it out and it took my hopes for this cycle right along with it.

I have no symptoms other then cramping and mild bloating. I have nothing else to go on other then that. I tried my hardest not to get my hopes up but I they were and now I just feel blah.



Our kitchen is coming along nice. Hubby bought me a new fridge and stove. They are both the touch button kind and I do not have to fill up ice trays :) I love the stove. It has no annoying knobs and the burners are flat. WOOHOO! Last night we ate out at an all you can eat buffet. It was delicious. I think that's why I feel bloated today. Tonight I will be making Breakfast Pizza for dinner. MMMM I cannot wait. I haven't had that since I was a child. It was always a childhood favorite dish.



Hubby should be home within the next 10-15 minutes. I'm glad. Today has been a shitty day emotionally because I've been dealing with alot of emotions. Like if this cycle doesn't work our RE has changed his mind and does NOT want us to go for IVF he rather us use a Gestational Surrogate. At first I had NO clue was a surrogate was so I did alot of research and I just feel very overwhelmed. I'm not going to get into it too much on this post as I have alot of emotions I have to deal with that I have to make a post in itself.

Baby in the making?

I just got back from the REs office. Ultrasound showed 5 matured follicles YIKES and 3 small ones.
Follicles on the Right - 20mm and 19mm
Follicles on the Left - 17mm 15mm and 12mm

RE gave me the percription for the trigger shot to use tomorrow night since he doesn't want me to over stimulate and have this cycle go to waste. He said he was very glad he made the decision that I go in to see him today as this whole cycle could of been a bust. Hubby will fill it when he gets home from work as with 2 kids cranky as hell that has not taken any naps. I didn't feel like taking them to the pharmacy at all.
We talked about a million things. All the What Ifs...

• What if this cycle doesn't work then what

Talked about one more IUI cycle with 50mg clomid. He won't up the clomid as my body responds well to it.

Talked about IUI with donor Sperm

Talked about IVF

Talked about IVF with a Gestational Surrogate if we are still miscarrying seeing as my scar tissue is preventing the pregnancies to stick or so it seems to the RE possibly with donor sperm if the first transfer doesn't go well.

• What if this cycle DOES work

Seeming as there are so many follicles there high chance of a multiple pregnancy.

Talked about Selective Reduction if there are a high order of multiples. My thoughts are is that I cannot personally choose what one of my children that my husband and myself worked so hard to get to just simply reduce. So, my choice is not to have any Selective Reduction done at all. But Husband was not there and I will consider his views as well and when the time comes we will deal with it.

Talked about he will monitor me longer then most as I've had a M/C at almost 13 weeks. He said he will keep me under his wing until 15 weeks.

Hoary for Monday... The IUI