Houston - We Have Problems

Yesterday My MFM (maternal fetal medicine aka high risk ob) called and gave me some fucked up news. I started typing it last night but I just couldn't finish. I hope everyone understands why I couldn't just blert it out yesterday. I had to be a Debby downer and let it soak in without the comments and adjust. You guys are so supportive and I am very thankful for that.
She got my glucose levels back 201 YIKES very high, Then I felt very relieved that it was all she was going to say and I can handle Gestational Diabetes. She explained the medicine she was putting me on and set a date with the nutritionist. My grandfather had Type II diabetes so I know how to do the injections and check the blood.
Then she said "I reviewed the ultrasound pictures a little bit ago and remember how I said C has too much fluid.. It's because you have Polyhydramnios" She explained it and holy shit I am scared shitless. She said it's the first case she's ever see in real life and not in text books. Only 2 out of 100 pregnancies get it and 1 out of 100 pregnancies get it THIS bad. GREAT make ME the special one God. She said that C has as much fluid in her sac as a 28 week gestation baby. It can can be caused by birth defect, heart defect and even diabetes. Well damn. She said in a few weeks I may start having trouble breathing because the fluid is making my uterus bigger and when that happens she will hospitalize me until the babies are born. Guess I'm huge because of that and not bloat. My stomach is measuring 29 week gestation of a Singleton, that I forgot in my update yesterday. Ok no more side tracking (that's why I couldn't finish yesterday)
There are some risks and she faxed me some helpful yet scary facts, information and statistics. About 20 pages worth.
Here are some of the risks.
•Preterm rupture of the membranes (PROM)
•Umbilical cord accidents
•placental abruption (the placenta peels away from the uterine wall before delivery)
•poor growth of the fetus
•Stillbirth
•C-section
•Severe bleeding by the mother after delivery
The list goes on.
She's figuring that C is the one with Down Syndrome. She will not to an amnio to test for the downs or to reduce the fluid because I already lost Triplet B - Emilie and she doesn't want me to lose A or C. I am perfectly fine having a child with Downs or whatever she may come out with. I just want my babies to be in my arms and safely out of my horrible body. I feel so let down by my body and I get so angry at it for causing pain to the three little helpless children. One is gone and I have a lot of guilt that I am trying to work on. Like - why didn't we use a surrogate knowing my body sucks, how would this all paned out if I selectively reduced (I don't regret not reducing the though just crosses my mind every now and then), maybe if I paid more attention to my body Emilie would still be here. Stuff like that.
She said there are some treatments that could work and the only one we can do is medication to help reduce it but in turn that will reduce A's. She said that is up to me. Then there is the Amnioreduction which is an amniocentesis and that is too risky with twin alone never mind with my miscarriage history. And then there is birth - that is totally out of the question.
sigh
thank you for your support! Love you all!

YAY BABIES! 13 Weeks

Baby A & C are still beating away beautifully. I don't feel comfortable calling C "b" for some odd reason so I'll stay with C and my High Risk OB feels the same way so I am happy I switched doctors.
I still feel very crappy and this is by far the worst flu I have ever gotten in my life. I want to say thank you for all the well wishes! I feel bad for not being able to be online and comment and post on TWW like I normally do but these antibiotics should get me out of this funk shortly and I'll be back in action. It did feel good to get out of the house today for my doctors appointments even though it was only for about 5 hours and 3 hours of it was spent in the car driving LMAO
Here are the stats
A's heartbeat 160bpm 7.53cm and C's is 164bpm 7.79cm. She said that shes not too positive on the gender but 60% sure that A is a Boy and C is a girl. I am scanning the ultrasound pics now and I took a belly pic today with my web cam because hubby went shopping and carrie is at home with the flu as well (oops I gave it to her LOL). It sucks and the quality is crappy! My stomach has gotten smaller and a bit more rounder still a bit "swollen" as the Doctor said. She also said that I should be bleeding for a couple more weeks since I was so far along. SIGH! Oh - Well what can I do but rest up and stay on bed rest (until the bleeding stops) and try my hardest to get over this stupid flu LOL This m/c is by far the most painful one both emotionally and physically. I can understant the emotionall part but I wonder why it more painful pain wise. (does that make sence? LOL it does to me)

10.2 weeks already!

Okay you're going to have to wait for ultrasound pics because Hubby is going to the store and buying me a new printer/scanner because the pictures I took of the ultrasounds sucked worst then last weeks LOL. But here are my belly pics! My, I am growing ever so fast.

Today was my very last appointment with my RE. I was teary eyed. But the sea monkies are doing GREAT! The p4 suppositories seems to be working. Maybe I'm not producing enough p4 for all the and just Baby B was suffering. But here are the stats

Baby A - 10.4 wks 165bpm

Baby B - 9.2 wks 145bpm (I am so proud of B)

Baby C - 11.2 wks 172 bpm

I started crying when he told me Baby B stats! Monkey is only a week behind and normal bpm! So I get to stay on 4 p4 sup. a day and we'll see what the peri says next week. I so cannot wait until next week maybe B will be cought up with the other two. HORRY!

9 week Ultrasound **Edited to add belly**

Baby A - 30mm - Measures 9 wks 160bpm

Baby B - measures 8 wks 128bpm

Baby C - 34mm - measures 9.4 wks 165bpm

It's so cute!

Baby A & C look like little Teddy Graham crackers just floating and squirming around. I saw all 6 eyes. Kinda freaky. REs not happy with my p4 so YAY I now have suppositories FUN! He's not happy at all about Baby B (he never really ways) but Baby B has only grown 3 days since last weeks u/s The bpm haven't gone up much either. To me, the sea monkey IS growing. Not, getting smaller or slowing down. I just think this one goes to it's own tune. He said to prepare for the worst but hope for the best and maybe the p4 will help. ::sigh:: I am just trying to stay positive. Hubby has been asking me constantly if I'm okay. I tell him yes but deep down, I am upset and angry. Why? because I cannot do anything. I hate not having control of any of this or my body and boy is it wearing me thin. I am doing everything I can to stay positive and keep my head up. Tomorrow my p4 should be here. The nurse gave me about 20 of them. I have to insert one at a time 4 times a day. YUK I feel like I am constantly dripping something so, panty-liners are my new friends. Tomorrow I'll have to get some more of them too.

Sorry they are crappy they are pictures of the u/s since my scanner is broken I tried sharpening it as best as possible!

Baby A


Baby B


Baby C


DRUM ROLL!!! Belly Pic at only 9 weeks YIKES and sorry for the ugly look on my face. The flash was pissing me off. It would either flash out my face or my belly but out of the 28 I took these 2 were the best!

YUP 9 weeks and in maternity pants ALREADY... OY I'm gunna be HUGE!

Houston we have heartbeats!!

Today I went in for my second ultrasound!!!! We saw 3 beautiful heartbeats!! Hubby got all teary eyed and I poked fun of him because I'm just mean like that. If he only knew of all the times I cried so far. This one is going to make me an emotional train wreck when I am not the emotional type. We did talk about Baby B (we're thinking that one might not make it) I also talked to my high risk ob that I will be transferring to in 6 more weeks (I will be 12 weeks gestation).

Baby A - 120bpm (s)he is measuring 0.80cm
Baby B - 115bpm (s)he is measuring 0.76
Baby C - 121bpm (s)he is measuring 0.82

We got the talk of selective reduction (SR) again and this time they (RE & high risk OB) hinted very much that we should SR Baby B. They looked at the scan results from last weeks ultrasound. Baby B was measuring behind then too. His heart rate is a lot slower by 5bpm and is still a lot smaller.I was told that 20% of triplets spontaneously miscarriage... that is all 3 babies. GRRRREAT.. I did not need to know that given my track record. And SR carried it's own set of risks for miscarriage. Do we keep all three? Do we let Baby B suffer? There is a risk losing all three either way. The point of us doing fertility treatments was so that we could have a baby not get rid of a baby. What if we do SR.. Will I regret it? Will it hunt me for the rest of my life? What if the procedure causes me the miscarry all 3. My mind is plagued by all the what ifs.

Baby in the making?

I just got back from the REs office. Ultrasound showed 5 matured follicles YIKES and 3 small ones.
Follicles on the Right - 20mm and 19mm
Follicles on the Left - 17mm 15mm and 12mm

RE gave me the percription for the trigger shot to use tomorrow night since he doesn't want me to over stimulate and have this cycle go to waste. He said he was very glad he made the decision that I go in to see him today as this whole cycle could of been a bust. Hubby will fill it when he gets home from work as with 2 kids cranky as hell that has not taken any naps. I didn't feel like taking them to the pharmacy at all.
We talked about a million things. All the What Ifs...

• What if this cycle doesn't work then what

Talked about one more IUI cycle with 50mg clomid. He won't up the clomid as my body responds well to it.

Talked about IUI with donor Sperm

Talked about IVF

Talked about IVF with a Gestational Surrogate if we are still miscarrying seeing as my scar tissue is preventing the pregnancies to stick or so it seems to the RE possibly with donor sperm if the first transfer doesn't go well.

• What if this cycle DOES work

Seeming as there are so many follicles there high chance of a multiple pregnancy.

Talked about Selective Reduction if there are a high order of multiples. My thoughts are is that I cannot personally choose what one of my children that my husband and myself worked so hard to get to just simply reduce. So, my choice is not to have any Selective Reduction done at all. But Husband was not there and I will consider his views as well and when the time comes we will deal with it.

Talked about he will monitor me longer then most as I've had a M/C at almost 13 weeks. He said he will keep me under his wing until 15 weeks.

Hoary for Monday... The IUI

RE called

Our RE's office called and changed the ultrasound from tomorrow to... TODAY! ::DOING THE SHAKING ASS HAPPY DANCE:: For some reason I am actually excited about this round. Last round I was so nervious.

BBL have drive an hour and a half LMAO

Stoopid Monkey