I wish I could hug all of you! You all are great support and I needed it so much and still do. I'm home now, been for a few days. Just been sleeping my life away it seems. I've been readding all the blogs, sorry for not commenting but I am there reading. 2ww I still go on and lurk but it's so hard because they are all still pregnant (dont get me wrong I want them and ya'll to stay pregnant and have healthy babies) and one of the girls just had her beautiful little boy and yeah I'm jealious. *In due time I will have mine, I keep telling myself and I am forever greatdul for my two I have.... It's just really hard* Days are getting a little better, little less crying, staying awake more. Joel has giving me his story. I'll type it up tomorrow, as the pain killers and sleeping pills are kicking in. So, if this post is incoherent you know why.
We got the autopsy reports back. Elija's (baby A) said Intrauterine Sudden Death (in other words unknown) and Emmaline's (Baby C) was Maternal Infection and Trisomy 21. I had an infection in my uterus and that explains why I wouldn't stop bleeding.
Joel and I talked today about persuing surrogacy. We don't know when. I know I want to be off the anti-depressants. So, it eoepend when I am "better", I guess. I am looking at either to go with an agency or go independent like Kym. I like to be incontroll but I would like to go an agency in case problems arrise. We have agreed to use a gestational surrogate (not the biologically related to the baby) and egg donnor and not a traditional surrogate (where the carrier would be the biological mother plus by Texas laws you cannot do a traditional surrogacy unless they give birth in another state. Down fall is, gestational is more expensive along with an egg donnor and agencies also charge an arm and a leg.
Wow I cant see straight guess it's time for me to get back in bed.
Showing posts with label abnormalities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abnormalities. Show all posts
Friday, November 7, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Houston - We Have Problems
Yesterday My MFM (maternal fetal medicine aka high risk ob) called and gave me some fucked up news. I started typing it last night but I just couldn't finish. I hope everyone understands why I couldn't just blert it out yesterday. I had to be a Debby downer and let it soak in without the comments and adjust. You guys are so supportive and I am very thankful for that.
She got my glucose levels back 201 YIKES very high, Then I felt very relieved that it was all she was going to say and I can handle Gestational Diabetes. She explained the medicine she was putting me on and set a date with the nutritionist. My grandfather had Type II diabetes so I know how to do the injections and check the blood.
Then she said "I reviewed the ultrasound pictures a little bit ago and remember how I said C has too much fluid.. It's because you have Polyhydramnios" She explained it and holy shit I am scared shitless. She said it's the first case she's ever see in real life and not in text books. Only 2 out of 100 pregnancies get it and 1 out of 100 pregnancies get it THIS bad. GREAT make ME the special one God. She said that C has as much fluid in her sac as a 28 week gestation baby. It can can be caused by birth defect, heart defect and even diabetes. Well damn. She said in a few weeks I may start having trouble breathing because the fluid is making my uterus bigger and when that happens she will hospitalize me until the babies are born. Guess I'm huge because of that and not bloat. My stomach is measuring 29 week gestation of a Singleton, that I forgot in my update yesterday. Ok no more side tracking (that's why I couldn't finish yesterday)
There are some risks and she faxed me some helpful yet scary facts, information and statistics. About 20 pages worth.
Here are some of the risks.
•Preterm rupture of the membranes (PROM)
•Umbilical cord accidents
•placental abruption (the placenta peels away from the uterine wall before delivery)
•poor growth of the fetus
•Stillbirth
•C-section
•Severe bleeding by the mother after delivery
The list goes on.
She's figuring that C is the one with Down Syndrome. She will not to an amnio to test for the downs or to reduce the fluid because I already lost Triplet B - Emilie and she doesn't want me to lose A or C. I am perfectly fine having a child with Downs or whatever she may come out with. I just want my babies to be in my arms and safely out of my horrible body. I feel so let down by my body and I get so angry at it for causing pain to the three little helpless children. One is gone and I have a lot of guilt that I am trying to work on. Like - why didn't we use a surrogate knowing my body sucks, how would this all paned out if I selectively reduced (I don't regret not reducing the though just crosses my mind every now and then), maybe if I paid more attention to my body Emilie would still be here. Stuff like that.
She said there are some treatments that could work and the only one we can do is medication to help reduce it but in turn that will reduce A's. She said that is up to me. Then there is the Amnioreduction which is an amniocentesis and that is too risky with twin alone never mind with my miscarriage history. And then there is birth - that is totally out of the question.
sigh
thank you for your support! Love you all!
She got my glucose levels back 201 YIKES very high, Then I felt very relieved that it was all she was going to say and I can handle Gestational Diabetes. She explained the medicine she was putting me on and set a date with the nutritionist. My grandfather had Type II diabetes so I know how to do the injections and check the blood.
Then she said "I reviewed the ultrasound pictures a little bit ago and remember how I said C has too much fluid.. It's because you have Polyhydramnios" She explained it and holy shit I am scared shitless. She said it's the first case she's ever see in real life and not in text books. Only 2 out of 100 pregnancies get it and 1 out of 100 pregnancies get it THIS bad. GREAT make ME the special one God. She said that C has as much fluid in her sac as a 28 week gestation baby. It can can be caused by birth defect, heart defect and even diabetes. Well damn. She said in a few weeks I may start having trouble breathing because the fluid is making my uterus bigger and when that happens she will hospitalize me until the babies are born. Guess I'm huge because of that and not bloat. My stomach is measuring 29 week gestation of a Singleton, that I forgot in my update yesterday. Ok no more side tracking (that's why I couldn't finish yesterday)
There are some risks and she faxed me some helpful yet scary facts, information and statistics. About 20 pages worth.
Here are some of the risks.
•Preterm rupture of the membranes (PROM)
•Umbilical cord accidents
•placental abruption (the placenta peels away from the uterine wall before delivery)
•poor growth of the fetus
•Stillbirth
•C-section
•Severe bleeding by the mother after delivery
The list goes on.
She's figuring that C is the one with Down Syndrome. She will not to an amnio to test for the downs or to reduce the fluid because I already lost Triplet B - Emilie and she doesn't want me to lose A or C. I am perfectly fine having a child with Downs or whatever she may come out with. I just want my babies to be in my arms and safely out of my horrible body. I feel so let down by my body and I get so angry at it for causing pain to the three little helpless children. One is gone and I have a lot of guilt that I am trying to work on. Like - why didn't we use a surrogate knowing my body sucks, how would this all paned out if I selectively reduced (I don't regret not reducing the though just crosses my mind every now and then), maybe if I paid more attention to my body Emilie would still be here. Stuff like that.
She said there are some treatments that could work and the only one we can do is medication to help reduce it but in turn that will reduce A's. She said that is up to me. Then there is the Amnioreduction which is an amniocentesis and that is too risky with twin alone never mind with my miscarriage history. And then there is birth - that is totally out of the question.
sigh
thank you for your support! Love you all!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The Dreaded About Me Post
::updated 9.9.08::
I am a stay at home mother to my two wonderful children. My oldest girl is 5 years old and my youngest boy will be a year old in just a few short months. I am very happily married and we're trying to conceive a third baby. With some issues (explained below) We live in in the country of small town in Texas. We have farm animals (chickens, goats, cows and wild hogs). We love it here. Our children have medical abnormalities (also explained below). I love to scrap-book both paper and digitally. I LOVE photography. I am going to upgrade my digital camera that my Husband just spent $500 buck-a-roos on in January for a Digital SLR camera. Just have to save up the 2,000 buck-a-roos for that. We just bought a brand new house in the middle of NOWHERE VILLE! ::sigh:: Hubby loves to please me and bought me a dream house. I love it and couldn’t ask for anything better plus it‘s on 34 acers. It has a fire place, wrap around deck, play room (was second living room), office, mini bar and of course 3 bd 3 ba and all the other normal stuff. My husband says I have a Gypsy/Hippie soul. I’ve changed our life style to live GREEN (echonomy friendly). Yeah not the normal, change your light bulbs to the energy efficient ones but more in depth to where it affect our every day life. Explain in a later post. I’ll also make a post of how Hubby and I met and been together since I was 12 years old except for a little while when he was in the Army and we had our issues. I use to be a legal admin. asst. for an awesome law firm. I quit that job to be able to stay home and we were activly trying to pregnant and it was in thye way of RE appointments and just couldn't get that much time off. Hubby has a scarry job of a State Trooper. It worries me a lot and I spend a lot of nights just listening to the scanner to make sure nothing has happened to him. He loves it tho, and I support him no matter what he wants to do.
Fertility issues: I've made a post about it so, you can read it here if you haven't yet
Children Medical Issues:
Our Daughter Story
Our daughter who is 5 years old has been thew A LOT in her short life. She has seen the light but thankfully her booty turned around and came back to momma. She was born at exactly 38 weeks however her heart rate kept plummeting after my water broke and I was 8cm dilated. Stupid head doctor wouldn't let me finish laboring and have her vaginally. I ended up getting a screwed up c-section (another post itself that I'll soon do because it's one of the factors in my infertility). She was born with underdeveloped lungs. When she was 6 months old it took a turn for the worst. We took her to the ER they didn't even have us fill out ANY paper work what so ever. They just took her back and into a room where the evaluated her and then they told me that they would need to put her in a medicine induced coma and have intubated. I signed the papers and we had to leave the ER area and go into the triage area. Hours later we were able to go back to see my little baby in a coma with tubes EVERYWHERE!!! LONG story short while she was intubated there was a problem the tube came out and her heart stopped for 4 minutes. Then called for all these test on her brain and heart. We found out that she has ASD (Atrial Septal Defect) A hole in her heart that is hereditary trait on my family side.
Our Sons Story
Pregnancy went off without a problem WOOHOO! Planned C-section for exactly 40 weeks. I went into labor at exactly 39 weeks. Had my c-section and he was born weighing 9.12lbs 24 inches. BIG BABY! When he was 3 months old I asks his PCP about his feet & toes. They didn't look normal. They are all the same length and shaped odd. Asked about his sternum as it sinks in. Also asked about his tongue. Come to find out our son has 3 congenital abnormalities.
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