Friday, November 7, 2008

Thank you

I wish I could hug all of you! You all are great support and I needed it so much and still do. I'm home now, been for a few days. Just been sleeping my life away it seems. I've been readding all the blogs, sorry for not commenting but I am there reading. 2ww I still go on and lurk but it's so hard because they are all still pregnant (dont get me wrong I want them and ya'll to stay pregnant and have healthy babies) and one of the girls just had her beautiful little boy and yeah I'm jealious. *In due time I will have mine, I keep telling myself and I am forever greatdul for my two I have.... It's just really hard* Days are getting a little better, little less crying, staying awake more. Joel has giving me his story. I'll type it up tomorrow, as the pain killers and sleeping pills are kicking in. So, if this post is incoherent you know why.
We got the autopsy reports back. Elija's (baby A) said Intrauterine Sudden Death (in other words unknown) and Emmaline's (Baby C) was Maternal Infection and Trisomy 21. I had an infection in my uterus and that explains why I wouldn't stop bleeding.
Joel and I talked today about persuing surrogacy. We don't know when. I know I want to be off the anti-depressants. So, it eoepend when I am "better", I guess. I am looking at either to go with an agency or go independent like Kym. I like to be incontroll but I would like to go an agency in case problems arrise. We have agreed to use a gestational surrogate (not the biologically related to the baby) and egg donnor and not a traditional surrogate (where the carrier would be the biological mother plus by Texas laws you cannot do a traditional surrogacy unless they give birth in another state. Down fall is, gestational is more expensive along with an egg donnor and agencies also charge an arm and a leg.
Wow I cant see straight guess it's time for me to get back in bed.


Mandy said...

I am glad that you are home and in the comfort of your own house. I can't imagine how much this must suck, but please take care of yourself. You are a good mom, and no matter how you have a child, no one can take that away. Your dream will come true, just in a different way. I hope you know that I am here if you need a shoulder.

Anonymous said...

I am sure that when the time is right, whatever decisions you two make will be perfect for YOUR family.

My heart goes out to you all and I hope that you will find the answers you need soon.

You guys have way too much life left to be unhappy for so long. I do so miss 'hearing' you laugh in your blog!

I know that things will work out somehow!

Grannie in Florida

Anonymous said...

Lexy we are all still thinking of you and praying for you at 2ww. You will know when the time is ready to pursue the surrogacy with an egg donor. You will experience the joy of a newborn again! You are right, it will be your time once again. If you have any questions about egg donation, please ask me. I have donated to deserving women like you 5 times now.

Thinking of you,
Kellie from 2ww (deneice2004)

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry. I would do ANYTHING to take away this pain. I think of you often and will continue to pray that life will bring you miracles, maybe it just won't be in the conventional way.

Take care, and an outpouring of love to you and your family.

Sydni- Doops

Kymberli said...

I've been so very worried about you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help, even if it is just to give a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. If you have any questions about surrogacy or need help in that direction, you know who to ask.

Be kind to yourself and know that I'm thinking of you.

The White Family said...

You have something with your name on it over at my blog - go check it out! :o)