Thank you

I wish I could hug all of you! You all are great support and I needed it so much and still do. I'm home now, been for a few days. Just been sleeping my life away it seems. I've been readding all the blogs, sorry for not commenting but I am there reading. 2ww I still go on and lurk but it's so hard because they are all still pregnant (dont get me wrong I want them and ya'll to stay pregnant and have healthy babies) and one of the girls just had her beautiful little boy and yeah I'm jealious. *In due time I will have mine, I keep telling myself and I am forever greatdul for my two I have.... It's just really hard* Days are getting a little better, little less crying, staying awake more. Joel has giving me his story. I'll type it up tomorrow, as the pain killers and sleeping pills are kicking in. So, if this post is incoherent you know why.
We got the autopsy reports back. Elija's (baby A) said Intrauterine Sudden Death (in other words unknown) and Emmaline's (Baby C) was Maternal Infection and Trisomy 21. I had an infection in my uterus and that explains why I wouldn't stop bleeding.
Joel and I talked today about persuing surrogacy. We don't know when. I know I want to be off the anti-depressants. So, it eoepend when I am "better", I guess. I am looking at either to go with an agency or go independent like Kym. I like to be incontroll but I would like to go an agency in case problems arrise. We have agreed to use a gestational surrogate (not the biologically related to the baby) and egg donnor and not a traditional surrogate (where the carrier would be the biological mother plus by Texas laws you cannot do a traditional surrogacy unless they give birth in another state. Down fall is, gestational is more expensive along with an egg donnor and agencies also charge an arm and a leg.
Wow I cant see straight guess it's time for me to get back in bed.