Houston - We Have Problems

Yesterday My MFM (maternal fetal medicine aka high risk ob) called and gave me some fucked up news. I started typing it last night but I just couldn't finish. I hope everyone understands why I couldn't just blert it out yesterday. I had to be a Debby downer and let it soak in without the comments and adjust. You guys are so supportive and I am very thankful for that.
She got my glucose levels back 201 YIKES very high, Then I felt very relieved that it was all she was going to say and I can handle Gestational Diabetes. She explained the medicine she was putting me on and set a date with the nutritionist. My grandfather had Type II diabetes so I know how to do the injections and check the blood.
Then she said "I reviewed the ultrasound pictures a little bit ago and remember how I said C has too much fluid.. It's because you have Polyhydramnios" She explained it and holy shit I am scared shitless. She said it's the first case she's ever see in real life and not in text books. Only 2 out of 100 pregnancies get it and 1 out of 100 pregnancies get it THIS bad. GREAT make ME the special one God. She said that C has as much fluid in her sac as a 28 week gestation baby. It can can be caused by birth defect, heart defect and even diabetes. Well damn. She said in a few weeks I may start having trouble breathing because the fluid is making my uterus bigger and when that happens she will hospitalize me until the babies are born. Guess I'm huge because of that and not bloat. My stomach is measuring 29 week gestation of a Singleton, that I forgot in my update yesterday. Ok no more side tracking (that's why I couldn't finish yesterday)
There are some risks and she faxed me some helpful yet scary facts, information and statistics. About 20 pages worth.
Here are some of the risks.
•Preterm rupture of the membranes (PROM)
•Umbilical cord accidents
•placental abruption (the placenta peels away from the uterine wall before delivery)
•poor growth of the fetus
•Stillbirth
•C-section
•Severe bleeding by the mother after delivery
The list goes on.
She's figuring that C is the one with Down Syndrome. She will not to an amnio to test for the downs or to reduce the fluid because I already lost Triplet B - Emilie and she doesn't want me to lose A or C. I am perfectly fine having a child with Downs or whatever she may come out with. I just want my babies to be in my arms and safely out of my horrible body. I feel so let down by my body and I get so angry at it for causing pain to the three little helpless children. One is gone and I have a lot of guilt that I am trying to work on. Like - why didn't we use a surrogate knowing my body sucks, how would this all paned out if I selectively reduced (I don't regret not reducing the though just crosses my mind every now and then), maybe if I paid more attention to my body Emilie would still be here. Stuff like that.
She said there are some treatments that could work and the only one we can do is medication to help reduce it but in turn that will reduce A's. She said that is up to me. Then there is the Amnioreduction which is an amniocentesis and that is too risky with twin alone never mind with my miscarriage history. And then there is birth - that is totally out of the question.
sigh
thank you for your support! Love you all!