Thursday, November 13, 2008

Joels Story .... part one

Lexy has been promising to type up my version of what happened but has been putting it off and I don't blame her, so to make it easier on her I'll type it up.

On Tuesday October 28Th, I took the day off to take Lexy to her high risk ob appointment since she wasn't feeling too well and didn't want to drive the hour and a half there. Did the norm, piss in a cup, get weighed, blood pressure and go sit in a room. Doctor Lady comes in and checks the height of her stomach and feels a round and then the Doppler comes out... nothing, can hear Lexy's faintly but that's it. She moves it around and Lexy squeezes my hand. I can see the fear on her face and she just closes her eyes and holds her breath like it's a dream and she's trying to wake up. Doctor Lady said she's going to do an ultra sound. I notice Lexy breathing heavy and I admit I was scared shit-less but I knew I had to stay strong for Lexy because I am her rock, always have been when anything got tough and I knew if she knew I was worried and scared she would lose it. Within a minute the ultra sound was going and both the babies had no heart beat. Doctor Lady delivered the news at 11:11am. I looked at the clock for some odd reason and will never forget that exact moment. Lexy broke down and screamed why and asked a million times how and what happened and holding her stomach and repeating that she was sorry. I don't know to whom, me or the babies. Doctor Lady cried along with her. I did too but I had to pull Lexy together and being with her since we were teenagers I knew that I shouldn't show how much I was hurting too not yet at least. We sat in the room just holding each other for about a half an hour when Doctor Lady brakes the silence and asks us what we wanted to do. Let Lexy's body miscarry on it's own, get a D&C or find out answers by doing an autopsy but that would mean that Lexy would need a c-section. She said we could stay and think about it as long as we wanted. We talked and talked. The pros and cons of everything and Lexy stated that she defiantly didn't want to let her body miscarry on it's own because who knows how long that would take and that would delay every ones healing time. We chose to have the autopsy mainly for Lexy to have closure and figure what happened to our babies. We scheduled it for October 29Th at 10am and we had to be there at 9am.
She comes home and just goes to bed and cries herself to sleep. I make all the phone calls to family and my work to let them know that I will not be going in the morning. Her wonderful father rushes over and offered to take the children for however long needed. We pack their things up and talk about everything and wishes he could do more and to give Lexy his love since she locked herself in the bedroom. I leave her alone for a while and then unlock the door and asked her if she wanted to give the kids a kiss good by and she said to send them in as she didn't want to deal with anyone. After the kids leave she takes some Tylenol pm and goes cries some more until it kicks in and shes out for the night. I however couldn't sleep. That's when I broke down and just prayed all night long. Mainly about keeping Lexy safe and sane and give her the strength she needs to get threw this.
What seemed like days but was only hours and it was morning. I woke Lexy and she took a quick shower and we headed off to the hospital. When we got there we had no clue where to go, so we asked the lady at the front desk "My wife Crissie B---(Alexia/Lexy to all you guys since she hates her first name) has a .... c-section scheduled today and we don't know where to go" She looked at Lexy and probably thought she was just a regular pregnant woman since she was measuring 32 weeks for a singleton pregnancy at the day before appointment and told us to go to Labor and Delivery.

I will end this here for tonight. Since it's almost 2am and I have to be at work in 5 hours. Glad I got a nap today but for now I will snuggle up with my wife since she is in one of her low moments. She hasn't taken an anti-depressant in 3 days and is doing rather well. Only about 2 brake downs a day now and that is VERY good to what it use to be. Thank you all for your prayers, support, cards in the mail, flowers and gift cards. You all are family!


The White Family said...

Bless your heart for taking the time to type that up for your wife. My heart just breaks for you guys and I'm so very sorry for your loss of your babies.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. Both you and Lexy have strength I only pray I could have. I only wish there was more to say. Hugs to the whole family.

Amy (MyColonyNJ) said...

Thank you for sharing. I can not imagine the loss you feel.

Your family will be in my prayers